Does our hero rise to the challenge to except her offer for a “anything you want” deal ?
“Uncle Him!”
She crossed the kitchen in three quick steps and launched herself at me, wrapping arms around my shoulders and squeezing tight while I remained sunk in the chair. It was the same familiar hug she’d been giving me for years, but there was a new, frantic energy to it—a desperation that lingered just a second too long.
Instead of pulling away, she shifted her weight and slid right onto my lap. She settled her hips firmly against my thighs, her small frame molding into me as she leaned back, still clinging to my neck.
“I didn’t know you were coming by tonight,” she murmured, her voice dipping into a low, sultry register that definitely wasn’t for her father’s benefit. “It’s good to see you.”
I smiled, my free hand giving her arm a light squeeze, though I could feel the heat of her body radiating through our clothes. “Good to see you too, kiddo. Happy birthday, by the way.”
“Thanks.” She grinned, a flash of something hungry and bashful crossing her face, but she didn’t make a move to get up. She just leaned closer, her scent filling my head. “I was hoping you’d stop by.”
Behind her, Kathy entered the room, quietly sliding the glass door shut. She lingered by the pane, her dark eyes scanning us with a quiet, knowing intensity. She didn’t say a word, but the small, polite smile on her lips suggested she liked exactly what she was seeing.
Ray took a slow sip of his beer, watching me over the neck of the bottle with that same knowing expression.
**Told you** he mouthed at me.
Harmony glanced at her father, then looked back at me, her eyes shimmering. “You are gonna hang for a while… aren’t you? Please say you’re staying.”
I tapped the ash off the joint into the tray and nodded, feeling her soft weight shifting on my lap. “Yeah, I’m staying. For a bit.”
Ray snorted.
Harmony’s smile widened. She glanced at the joint still burning between my fingers. “Can I?”
I held it out. She leaned in, taking a practiced hit, but her eyes never left mine. She held the smoke in her lungs for a long, deliberate beat, locking onto me with an intensity that felt like a challenge, before slowly exhaling a thin, ghostly cloud toward the ceiling.
Before I could say anything, she reached down, plucked my beer off the table, and took a long, deep drink from the bottle. She pulled it away from her lips, letting out a loud, deeply satisfying, “Ahhhhhhhhhh.”
“Thanks,” she said, then turned slightly and motioned toward the girl still standing near the sliding door. “Oh, Uncle Him, this is Kathy. Kathy, this is my Uncle Him… He’s the one I’ve been telling you about, this is him….”
Kathy stepped forward a little, offering a small wave and a polite smile. “Hey, finally glad to meet you. So, you’re the Uncle Him she’s been bragging about so much… glad to actually meet the man behind the legend.”
“Nice to meet you too,” I said, nodding. “And you can call me Jim, or James if you prefer…”
Kathy looked back at me, her voice dropping to a whisper as she tested the name. “James…” She breathed it in, softly, as if she were tasting something sweet, her expression shifting into something bordering on longing.
I looked over at Ray, a wide smile spreading across my face. “You hear that? I’m a legend.”
Ray scoffed, waving me off with a flick of his wrist before tipping his beer toward Kathy. “She’s the real legend. She’s been putting up with Harmony all afternoon. Deserves a medal.”
Harmony didn’t laugh; she just rolled her eyes. She leaned in close again, looking up at me through her lashes. “Can I get one more hit?”
I held it out. As she guided the joint to her mouth, her soft lips dragged deliberately across my fingers. She took another deep drag, her eyes locking onto mine with a slow, heavy heat, before she finally pulled away and exhaled the smoke toward the ceiling.
“Anyway,” Harmony continued, smoothly pulling the conversation back to her agenda. “… there’s this Justin Bieber doll. The collector’s one. It’s not even that much. And I thought maybe… since you always get me something special for my birthday… anyway…”
I scratched the back of my neck, exhaling a final cloud of smoke. “Wait, which doll?”
“Justin,” she said.
“Just him?” I asked, gesturing to myself.
“No, Justin,” she repeated.
“That’s what I said. Just him. Me.”
“No, Uncle Him, not you. Justin!” Harmony huffed, shifting on my lap.
“If it’s not me, then who is it?”
“Justin!”
“I’m Jim,” I said, my brow furrowing. “But you call me Him. So if you want a doll of him, you want a doll of me.”
“I don’t want a doll of Him!” Harmony groaned, throwing her hands up. “I want Justin!”
Kathy let out a quiet, stifled giggle by the counter. Ray just smirked, thoroughly enjoying the breakdown.
“Look,” I tried again, pointing a finger at my chest. “You just said you wanted a doll of just him. That’s me. I am him.”
“You’re Jim!”
“And I’m Him!”
“Exactly!” Harmony cried out, exasperated. “You’re Him. But the doll is Justin!”
“So it’s just me!”
“No! It’s Justin Bieber!”
“Well, why didn’t you say Bieber in the first place?” I grumbled, leaning back in the chair.
Ray snorted into his beer. “Because she thought you had a brain, Jim. Clearly, she was mistaken.”
“Shut up, Dad,” Harmony snapped, before turning her full attention back to me. The anger vanished instantly, replaced by that familiar, calculated innocence. She gave me the look—the same one she’d been giving me since she was little. Soft eyes, a small smile, just enough hope in it to make saying ‘no’ feel like I was kicking a little puppy.
Ray just shook his head, clearly enjoying himself. “Don’t do it, man. Be strong for once in your life.”
Harmony kept her eyes on me. “Please?”
Kathy stayed quiet, but the corner of her mouth turned up just a little as she watched the exchange.
I took another hit off the joint and offered it to Kathy. She looked down toward the ground and shook her head no.
I looked back at Harmony. “No,” I said.
Harmony blinked. “What?”
“Aren’t you a bit too old to be playing with dolls?” I asked, exhaling smoke. “I’m not buying you a Justin Bieber doll. I’ll buy you something else.”
Harmony slumped back, her expression instantly shifting into a heavy pout. “But I don’t want anything else… I want my Justin Bieber doll.”
She took a step closer, clasping her hands together as she tried to sweeten the pot. “Please? I’ll wash your car. The whole thing, inside and out. I know how you are about your Monte.”
“I can wash my own car,” I said evenly.
“Fine! I’ll wash it twice!” she pressed, leaning in. “See? You’re getting a return on your investment.”
“It’s a lousy return,” I countered, blowing a stream of smoke past her. “The doll is forty dollars. Car washes are ten bucks a pop. Two washes and I’m already twenty dollars in the hole. It’s a terrible investment strategy.”
“Fine, I’ll wax it then!” she sweetened, desperate to balance the ledger.
“It’s ceramic coated,” I replied. “You’ll ruin the finish.”
Harmony huffed, scrambling for an alternative. “Alright, look—I’ll clean your apartment for you. Kathy can help.”
Over her shoulder, Kathy instantly stiffened, violently shaking her head no in the background.
“You don’t even clean your own room,” I pointed out, watching Kathy’s silent panic. “And you definitely can’t sub-contract.”
“Fine. I’ll do your laundry for a week,” she pressed, shifting gears again.
“You don’t even do your own laundry,” I countered, arching an eyebrow. “Your dad
does it.”
“I’m delegating!” she shot back without missing a beat.
Ray let out a sharp bark of laughter from the counter. “Delegating? To who? Me? I’m not doing Jim’s laundry, Harm.”
I pointed a finger at her. “See? Your workforces are already threatening a wildcat strike. You’ve got no leverage.”
She ignored him, pointing a finger at me like a cutthroat corporate executive. “Look at it from a commercial perspective. You’re a businessman, right? I’m outsourcing the labor. It’s smart overhead management.”
“It’s a terrible business model,” I countered. “You’re trying to contract out services you don’t even have the infrastructure to provide.”
“Fine! Mergers and acquisitions!” Harmony snapped, throwing her hands up in the air. “I’ll let you pick the next movie. Your choice. Even one of those boring black-and-white ones where the guys just talk for hours and nothing ever blows up. I’ll sit through every second of it without a single complaint. That is a concrete asset, Uncle Him. Take the deal.”
“You’d like White Heat,” I replied, a smirk spreading across my face. “Big explosion at the end.”
I grinned, leaning back in the chair, and let my voice drop into a sharp, staccato, old-school gangster drawl. “Oh, you dirty rat, you got me, yeah, see… I made it Ma!!! Top of the world, yeah, see…”
Harmony stared at me, completely blank-faced, but before she could say a word, Ray scoffed from the counter. He hooked his thumbs into his pockets and slouched over his beer, dropping his jaw into a heavy, mumbling, broken-hearted pout.
“I coulda had class,” Ray groaned at me, delivering a perfectly sullen, over-the-top Marlon Brando. “I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, Jim… instead of a bum.”
I immediately sat up, locking my jaw and narrowing my eyes as I slipped into my own version of Brando with his classic raspy voice. I grab a joint from the table and start gesturing with it, letting my eyes look toward her. “You come to me with respect, I’ll show you respect. I’m gonna make you an offer, you can’t refuse.”
“You talkin’ to me? … You talkin’ to me?” Ray countered instantly. He dropped his head, pointing a finger at himself, and looked around the empty room before locking back at us with a twitchy, manic Robert De Niro squint. “You MUST be talkin’ to me … cause I’m the only one here.”
“Quit it!” Harmony yelled, her hands flying to her ears to drown us out. “Both of you are terrible!” She glared between us, her corporate field-marshaling peaking. “It’s a corporate liability! Which is why you need a consultant like me. I will sit there, I will watch the guy talk on top of the world, and I won’t roll my eyes once. Come on, Uncle Him…”
Ray was grinning ear to ear, completely leaning into the spectacle from the counter. “She’s cracking, man! You’ve got her on the ropes! Go for the kill, remember the culture man … bros before …”
Ray froze. The words hung in the air like a lead balloon. He quickly cut himself off, his mouth snapping shut as his eyes widened in sudden horror.
The kitchen fell dead silent.
Near the pane, Kathy had both hands clamped over her mouth, her shoulders shaking violently as she desperately tried to suppress a massive surge of giggles.
Harmony slowly turned her head away from me, her eyes narrowing into icy slits as she locked onto her father. “Did you… did you just call your own daughter a hoe?”
“No! No, wait, Harm, that’s not—it’s just a saying, I didn’t mean—” Ray started stuttering, completely backpedaling as he raised his hands in surrender, his face flushing a bright, guilty red.
“You’re a disgusting fucking pig,” Harmony snapped. “I can’t believe you just said that…. in front of Kathy…. I literally hate you right now…” She stares into his soul with a fiery stare of disgust, before finishing it off with a stone-cold, “Fuck you.”
She whipped her head toward the sliding door, where Kathy’s muffled giggles had finally broken into loud, breathless snorts. Kathy was practically laughing her head off at the sheer absurdity of the entire exchange.
Harmony glared at her. “And fuck you too.”
I took a slow drag of the joint and shook my head, looking over at Ray. “Calling your own daughter a hoe … not cool for the culture, bro.”
Ray didn’t even try to speak. He just let out a heavy, miserable groan and buried his face in his hands, completely overwhelmed by his own stupidity.
Harmony didn’t waste another second. She spun right back around on my lap, her wide blue eyes locking back onto mine with that exact same weaponized innocence, completely erasing the last sixty seconds from her face. “Anyway… Uncle Him… I’ll do anything. Just name it. I really want that doll. Please?”
Near the counter, Kathy shifted her weight, still fighting a smirk as she watched Harmony degrade herself for a piece of plastic.
I leaned back in the chair, arching an eyebrow. “Anything, huh?”
Harmony swallowed hard, her gaze locked onto mine. “Yes. Anything. I mean it.”
“Consider it an unlimited power of attorney,” she snapped quickly, never breaking eye contact with me, her voice dropping into a desperate, confident rush. “Total corporate liquidation. Just sign off on the asset, Uncle Him. Just please get me the doll.”
I didn’t answer right away. Instead, I deliberately took another slow, deep hit off the joint, letting the silence stretch as the smoke curled around us. I held the smoke for a beat, watching Harmony practically vibrate with desperation, before turning and offering it to Kathy again. She looked like she was about to step forward this time, her body tensing as she stared at it, but she caught herself at the last second and shook her head.
“You’re really not going to let this go, are you?” I asked.
“No,” Harmony breathed. “It’s my birthday. And you’ve never actually said no to me before.”
Ray hoisted his beer in a mock salute. “Well, there’s a first time for everything.”
Harmony ignored him, gliding closer until her palms pressed against the edge of the table, inches from my arm. “Come on, Uncle Jim. Please? I’ll be good. I’ll do whatever you want. Just say yes.”
Kathy shifted quietly, brushing a stray lock of black hair behind her ear. She had a delicate, thin build, watching as the conversation swirled around her.
I excelled a plume of smoke toward the ceiling and locked eyes with Harmony. “You’re going to owe me BIG if I do this.”
Her face lit up instantly. “I will. I promise. Anything.”
Ray groaned. “Oh, for Christ’s sake… you had her… shit, man, you’re folding. I can hear it in your voice.”
I glanced at him, then back to the girls. “Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on how ‘anything’ really translates.”
Harmony’s smile turned sly, the look of someone who knew she held the leverage. “Just tell me what you want.”
For a heartbeat, Kathy’s eyes met mine. There was a flicker of intense curiosity there before she looked away, a faint flush creeping up her neck.
I looked from Harmony to Kathy, weighing them both. “Alright,” I said finally. “I’ll get you the doll.”
Harmony let out a small squeal, clapping her hands before quickly regaining her composure. “Really?”
“Really. But you’re going to make good on that promise. And I mean it.”
Ray threw his hands up in defeat. “Unbelievable. Twenty years and you still can’t say no to her. I’m never letting you live this down.”
Harmony spun toward him, grinning. “You’re just mad because he said yes.”
I took one last hit of the joint and crushed the butt into the ashtray. “Come on, then. Both of you. We’re leaving before I change my mind.”
Harmony’s eyes widened. “Both of us?”
“Yeah. Kathy’s coming too. Unless she’d rather stay here and listen to your old man rant and rave about the doll.”
Kathy blinked, momentarily thrown, her breath hitching slightly. “Oh… uh… yeah,” she stammered, her voice dropping as she froze. “Okay… I guess I’m coming too.”
Ray shook his head and waved us off. “Get out of here, all of ya… before I start charging rent for the emotional damage.”
Harmony scrambled for her jacket, but paused as she looked at me, her expression a mix of triumph and genuine curiosity. “So… what do I owe you?”
I stood up, grabbed my keys, and tucked the rest of my pre-rolls into my shirt pocket. “We’ll figure that out on the way.”
Kathy followed a step behind, quiet but compliant. As we headed for the door, I caught her glancing at me again, quick and assessing.
Outside, my Monte Carlo sat under the yellow glow of the porch light. Harmony practically bounced down the steps while Kathy moved at a slower, more deliberate pace.
I unlocked the doors.
“Get in,” I said.
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