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Hey, what’s up. I’m Trevor. I just started high school. I’m writing because my mom and I have a secret, and there’s no one else I can tell. For the most part we’re pretty unremarkable people – both of us slightly plain, slightly chubby, and mostly quiet. But we’ve had this major secret for as long as I can remember, and she’s instilled in me ever since I was little that if I ever told anybody about it, even a hint or a suspicion, she and I would probably never see each other again. NOBODY is allowed to know, she says – not my grandparents, not my aunts and uncles and cousins, not my friends at school (not that I really have any of those – I’m pretty awkward and shy), not my teachers or counselors – absolutely no one. So I pray to god this site is safe and anonymous. I just had to spill the story to someone, because this past week it took a huge turn and my mind is kind of in a whirlwind right now.

My mom and I are close. It’s been just her and me for basically my whole life. I mean, we have a cat – but he doesn’t count, and I think he’d agree with that. But I don’t have any brothers or sisters. I’m not even really sure where my dad is. I have some vague flashes of memories of him being around when I was very little, but by the time I was in school I don’t ever remember seeing him. I can recall talking with him on the phone the day before I started first grade but I haven’t heard from him at all since then as far as I can remember. No one has ever really been able to give me a straight answer about what happened, so years ago I just stopped asking.

The big secret my mom and I share is that she has never stopped breastfeeding me.

So, yeah. It’s been this way for fourteen years, so basically forever. And I guess I’m not supposed to talk about it much even here, so I’ll keep the details to a minimum – but from my earliest memories I would cuddle up in her lap on the couch a couple times a day, and then as I got older it became something we’d do laying in bed next to one another. The routine now is that we do it before falling asleep at night, and then again in the morning, and usually first thing when she gets home from work in the afternoon.

But just this past week something big happened and I don’t know what to think.

I get off the bus from school in the early afternoon, and I usually have a couple hours to chill by myself before Mom gets home from work. I usually do a little homework, watch TV, play a little X-Box, or whatever. So last Tuesday I was playing some X-Box and, in the game I was playing, I got to the point where a new mission unlocked. And there’s a cut scene which kind of introduces it. Now my mom can’t really afford the newest, latest consoles and games – this is one of the older ones – so the graphics aren’t even super real-looking or anything. But something about the female character, what she was saying, how she was saying it, what she needed done – it just got a tingle going in my pants. I wasn’t even really touching myself – I guess it was the way I had my legs propped up on the coffee table and how I was bracing the controller on my lap. But I rubbed my wrist across the front of my shorts and it felt really nice.

Now, that had happened before – but this time it was pretty intense. And before I even had time to think about it, the game was waiting at the end of the cut scene and I was leaned back, rubbing the crotch of my shorts with my wrist.

And then there was a rattling of keys, and my mom walking in the front door. Early.

At first she barely glanced over as she said, “Hi, Trev, honey. We had a class at work that en –” but then her voice trailed off as she saw the state I was in, the awkward position, the redness on my face. “Oh. Honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean t –” Then she just kind of stopped. It was awkward, and only getting awkwarder, and so she just gave up mid-sentence trying to apologize.

“Are you –” she stammered.

“I don’t know,” I muttered, barely audibly to either of us.

“Have you ever –”

I shook my head no, not really knowing exactly what she was trying to ask but definitely sure I was in wholly uncharted territory. “No” was clearly a safe answer.

Seeing the panic and confusion on my face, she managed to ask, gently, “Honey, do you need some help?”

I didn’t respond verbally, but, I put my legs down and started getting up from my compromised position. She came over and gently grabbed my hand to lead me back to her bedroom. She didn’t ask me, per se, but it was sort of unspoken that we were headed there anyway, since that was our usual habit when she arrived home every afternoon. But this time it definitely carried a different aura to it.

We undressed slowly, me in kind of a mental haze, her with slow cautious movements as one might make when trying to avoid startling a timid deer. We didn’t always undress completely for breastfeeding, although sometimes we did, especially for the last one before sleep each night. This time, though, we were fully unclothed and lying on the bed together. I took her breast in my mouth and clamped down in the very familiar fashion that I knew would get milk flowing most easily. I wrapped my arm around her waist as I sometimes do – certainly feeling like I needed that extra comfort this time.

Recently it’s become common for me to reach between my legs while this is going on, and give my penis a few gentle tugs. And, far from being upset by that, a few times Mom has even touched it a little too. But this time, it was super-erect, and very sensitive to the touch. It felt nice but in a very intense way. She sensed my surprise and backed off, letting her last touch linger for just an extra millisecond, and just smiled gently. After a bit, I switched to her other breast.

Once I had suckled both, she rolled over onto her back and guided me to lay on top of her, facing her. Her knees were bent and raised, and I was between them. I’d never been in this position with her but there was something familiar, something comforting about it. My panic from earlier had long subsided and the feeding had succeeded in relaxing me (as it has never once failed to do).

She reached around my waist with both hands and grabbed my butt – which she had never done, so it caught me off-guard – and gently pulled me closer to her. I really had no idea what was happening. Then the tip of my penis made contact with the hairs surrounding her vagina and my eyes must have gotten ten times wider. Mom was just beaming with pride, like she was watching me take my first steps. She shifted her hips a bit, and kept pulling mine closer – and before I even realized what we were doing, it slipped inside her.

The feeling that washed over it, and then over the rest of me – it was really indescribable. It was that intense tingling I’d felt earlier from rubbing it with my own wrist, but multiplied by like a hundred. I wasn’t even sure what I was supposed to be doing but I just pushed in toward her, withdrew a bit, then pushed back into her again, like a little deeper inside each time. It kept feeling better and better. The proud look on Mom’s face grew and grew, just as the look of intense pleasure combined with intense confusion must have been growing on mine.

The feeling continued intensifying, and then suddenly I had a new, quickly-building sensation layered in on top of it.

“Mom –”

“I love you, honey,” she said, her breath intensifying as her face turned pink.

“Mom I think I have to pee –”

“No, honey, it’ll be fine, I promise. Don’t stop.”

She barely finished getting the words out before the feeling in my dick upshifted into a new gear. I pushed it all the way inside her as the sensation I initially thought was pee came in uncontrollable, intense pulses – and the pulses of pleasure radiated from my penis throughout the rest of my body. It was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever had in my life. My mom must have experienced something similar because her whole body suddenly tensed up, and she grunted and held her breath as she reddened even more. I momentarily thought I was hurting her until she exhaled and went, “Oh yes, oh my fucking god,” and her pinched face was taken over by the most amazing relaxed, satisfied smile I’ve ever seen.

I gingerly withdrew and peeked down at the scene of what had just happened. The trail of white slimy stuff leaking from my mom’s vagina provided the first inkling I needed to piece things together. And let me just say – I’d had a Sex Ed unit in Health class in middle school. But in retrospect, I have to tell you – they glossed over A LOT of key details. In their version of things, the two parents engage in “a special kind of embrace” where the sperm passes from the penis to the uterus, or some such gibberish. I had pictured a hug. But now I was starting to put two and two together and it was all quite a bit more clear to me what I’d just experienced.

Afterward, Mom and I just kind of cuddled up and held each other, our bodies devoid of all tension but my mind racing with the implications. After a bit we tossed on loose T-shirts and gym shorts, got up, fixed dinner, and went about our normal evening without really discussing much. She did say over dinner that she was surprised to learn that I’d never really had any kind of ejaculation before that, even on my own. She called it like a one-in-a-billion shot that she was there to experience my first one with me, and she loved that it happened inside of her. I was relieved to find out that the chances of her becoming pregnant from that one encounter were relatively slim, given that my Health class had kind of made it out like that would be the result anytime it happened. But we didn’t really talk about the long-term question of pregnancy nor even whether what we had done would ever happen again. I imagine she is giving me time to process it, and possibly she needs time for the same.

So far, I’m not really processing it at all. On one hand, when I used to overhear guys in the cafeteria at school bragging about what they’d allegedly done with this or that cheerleader, I quietly suffered internally from the embarrassment of being completely ignorant about sex. Now I’ll be able to eat with the peace of mind that I’m not the only virgin at the table. But on the other hand, it’s not like I can join the conversation, given that I lost mine to my mom.

I guess most of my apprehension right now concerns how it will change our relationship going forward. Like I said, it’s too early at the moment to know because we haven’t really talked much about it. I definitely don’t regret doing it – it was incredible, and I’m glad my first time was with someone I love and who loves me. But, now what? Was that a one-off, or something we’ll do regularly, or something in between? If it becomes something we do, is she thinking about us having a baby together? If not, what are we going to do to prevent it? If so, how are we going to handle that with family? So many questions.

All I know right now is this – I really, really love my mom, my dick felt amazing inside her, and I hope we do it again soon.

So, what are your thoughts?

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