Flashing a homeless guy near my house multiple times

I wss masturbating on my room today and i remembered this incident that happened when i was 17. I lived in a gated community with lots of homeless people on the alleys. One of those people i will call M is the only guy i ever truly miss. What happened to him was that he used to be a hard worker working for his family in the same neighborhood. One day when he came home from work apparently he saw his wife getting railed by some other guy and he went for a divorce. He went to court and unfortunately the court sided with his wife and he lost most of his savings. My mother told me he later began drinking and hanging around for spare change. I felt so horrible for him. I have seen his now ex wife come and go at that time around the same place. Anyways the way i befriended him happened after my exams. My bus stopped at like 400 meters away from my house so i walked there. Usually this woudnt be a issue because pur neighbourhood was extremely safe for a girl which is rare in this third world country. I walked a bit with my firnd vivi (yes i called her that) vivi and mr were close until she left abroad we still talk but dont see each other.
It was around september when i walked to my house and i saw M in the alley struggling to open a water bottle. I would usually ignore this but i felt so horrible for him. I went to the alley and when he saw me coming hr flinched which made me feel guilty but i said i will help. The alley smelled so horrible and he smelled like rotten bananas, i held it in and opened his bottle for him. He actually said thanks in that raspy voice and i left. I thought this was it but the next day when i saw him still struggle to open another water bottle and this lunch donation our locality gives homeless people. I went there and he recognised me and I helped him again. I gave him a couple of cents and left him alone. I didn’t see him after that for a few days but the next day i saw him he was sobbing in that alley. Thinking back i should have left him alone but i walked up to him and asked him what was wrong. It went somewhere along the lines of his daughter didn’t want to see him again and how he hated her. Im gonna be honest i suck at comforting people so i said some half assed replies which made him cry even more. I reluctantly pated his back and hr finally looked up at me. He recognised me because well as you know my family is quite influential and he said i have a good heart and is a good girl or something like that. That was a really honest compliment. I felt butterflies in my stomach (yes really). I just left him alone and the next day rolls around and i see him in the alley still looking sad, so i began a conversation with him. He told me about how ges struggling with drinking and misses his wife and how he shouldn’t have divorced her and forgave her instead. I got angry and told him straight up to not be a cuck and stand up like a man. He chuckled and said i was like his daughter and i told him about my school stuff. I wasn’t in any if those fights or daily dramas but i will told him about my school and stuff and i left again because i had other stuff to do. After leaving Vivi at her house i went and talked with him for two weeks. I got to know him more and that his parents also abandoned him. I gave him a couple of money now and then too. Now getting to the other part i knew he was oogling at me every now and then. I was used with everyone oogling me. I know that men can’t really do anything other than stare. I used to stand on the wall and talk with him untill one day he said he got a apartment. I was so proud of him and he asked me of i wanted to see it. I declined because there were risks and said another time. So christmas rolls around and i was actually the santa in my school for some reason. I didnt actually play the role i just lazed around. I was walking home when i saw M he was actually looking like a decent guy and we started talking again when he complimented me and i did a little twirl, he again asked me to come see his house and i didn’t think much of it because it was christmas eve. His apartment was actually pretty neat but small. The walls were thin. I sat on the sofa and put my bag away and wd started talking. He offered me wine but i refused that. I remember the conversation going to his wife then how sexually frustrated he was. I just nodded along until he asked me if i could show him my breasts. I choked on my saliva, this came put of nowhere and i was in his apartment. He looked so nonchalant that i really just looked at him wierd. He was almost 45 then and i asked him if he really just meant that. He told me he masturbated to me every night and that he would understand if i was disgusted. I was disgusted. I thought i made a friend but he had ulterior motives. He looked so pitiful saying stuff like that, i had flashed people lil twice at that point and that too was with randoms. I told him he was being very rude but he just looked down. Then he said something like that’s his christmas wish and i somehow for some reason reluctantly agreed. I stood up and opened the belt and flashed him. His eyes lit up as he started touching my breasts with great interest. I just stood there knowing i ruined a perfectly fine friendship. Hr asked me if he could masturbate and i said yes. He pulled his dick out infront of me started jerking it off. I just stood there as me started going faster getting turned on. I wanted to masturbate too fuck i was getting horny back then. I asked him if his bed was free and if i could get a blanket. Hr understood me and i got on the small bed in thr corner and told him to look away. I put a blanket on my legs and took my santa pants off and started jerking myself off too. He just stood there jerking off himself watching me jerk off. It was getting stuffy and wired. He came first and came closer to me. He could see my hands moving but not my clit and without warning he just took the sheet off. I was laying there with my finger deep in my vulva and M staring at it. I just continued as hr watched. I came after some time and he helped me clean up. He didn’t touch me or anything but I left after telling him to not tell this to anyone. That was probably the first guy who saw my clit. Yes i did go back to his house and masturbated a couple of times. We cuddled once and I thought he was getting better. He never asked me for anything. I would come over, take my clothes off and masturbate while he just wandered or joined me. I let him touch me a couple of times. He tried to help me come and gave up after he said he couldn’t. He had one rule and that was for me to walk around naked at his apartment. I didn’t mind it at all. I would go home at 5:40 or something and i would tell my mom i was with vivi or another friend. They never really questioned me that much.
Now i have to say that by february i was no longer in contact with him because i got bored. We saw each other but just nodded. Later that same month i heard he died after getting drunk and having a liver failure.
I was so sad i didn’t talk to anyone for days. I wish i could have had sex with him or something. I really liked him and feel like i should tell this here atleast once. Thats one of my things that happened when i was 17. Sorry if this was disappointing but I really didn’t let anyone touch me that far until i was 18. Im still a vrigin. Im naked while writing this lol. I still masturbate thinking of him dw.

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